In my quest to meet other secure confident and "out" gay men here in Columbia, I continue to utilize the Grindr app on my iPhone in the hopes of connecting to someone of substance.
You would think I would know better by now, especially at my age, and that I would not still be so susceptible to getting my feelings hurt.
But I am human and I do feel, so the possibility unfortunately is very likely and happens more often than I like to admit.
That being said, I met up with this guy with whom I'd been chatting. It was obvious from the beginning that he was hiding something, as he did not have a face picture posted, but he did send me one and seemed to be sincere enough for a face to face meeting; thus I decided to meet him.
As he pulled up beside my car in his ginormous Ford truck, I thought that a.) he was completely closeted and/or b.) he's got a little dingaling(you know how men love to overcompensate for their inadequacies).
We both got out and spoke. He told me he was just visiting and had graduated from the University. And in our brief conversation I could tell there was definitely not only a connection, but a chemistry that I haven't felt in awhile.
A chemistry that I am not afraid to admit clouded my judgment enough to allow myself to crawl up in the backseat of his truck with him.
Now I am not above fooling around in the backseat of a car, but at my age, one would hope that I would not have to resort to such a location. Anyway, I went with it.
And I can honestly say that the heat of the kiss alone was worth the risk of being caught fooling around in the backseat of an F350.
Literally I could feel how hungry he was to be with another man. I honestly felt it too as I had not kissed a man or really been kissed in months.
There was a safety and comfort in his embrace, even with that damn seatbelt jabbing me in my ribs. I hadn't realized how starved I had been for that kind of connection. And I'm talking about the kiss.
There is nothing more intimate to me than kissing. Anyone can have sex or just "fuck", but the kiss is where intimacy lives and breathes in my opinion.
So when I crawled back out of his truck and we parted, I knew very well that I would probably not hear from him again. I did though carry with me the residual warmth of that kiss and knew it would linger long enough to keep me satiated and even make me smile when I thought of him.
So when I got to the gym the next day and actually saw a dude that looked just like him walk by me, I thought nothing of it. Then I saw the same guy peeking around a wall at me and continuously hiding every time I looked up at him and caught his eye. I thought you have got to be kidding me.
It takes a lot to shock me, but I was literally bowled over. I could not believe in this modern day and time that this guy with whom I had been intimate the night before didn't have the balls to at least say hello to me. Instead he hid.
Then he tried to act as if I wasn't there when I said his name the next time he passed by me. I cannot put into words how speechless I actually felt.
As I am not one to be played, and I do have balls the size of that F350 he drove, I walked up to him and had to literally get in his face for him to finally acknowledge me. He made some excuse about being in town for work longer than planned, but my only intention in confronting him was to let him know he had been busted.
It may have been ok for him to treat someone else that way, but I was not going to pretend I too didn't see him and that his behavior was acceptable. I was pleasant and courteous when I approached him, but he knew he had been busted.
I then sent an email to his Grindr account letting him know how disrespectful it is to not speak to someone with whom you have been intimate and that he is a coward and just another closeted redneck frat boy. And I believe I concluded by calling him a punk ass bitch.
I am not proud of how I responded in the email, but I was so hurt that he did not have enough respect for me to even say hi. And I was crushed because the warm feeling I initially walked away with was now ice cold.
He responded with a message saying he was sorry that he didn't make his intentions more clear, but it didn't matter. At that point there was nothing more to say. I was not going to waste my time trying to teach a grown man what it means to have respect for oneself and for others.
I can only hope that he one day finds the strength to be honest with himself so he doesn't have to live his life hiding around corners and settling for the occasional "connection" in the backseat of his truck.
No comments:
Post a Comment