Can we talk??!!!

When I first heard the news about the married senator being arrested for lewd behavior in a public restroom at an airport a couple years back I had to laugh.  Listening to him try to talk his way out of what he was caught doing was so hysterical because any gay man could tell you  what his intentions were and that the charges were in fact valid.  
I even have first hand experienced over the years the toe tapping or the even more creepy running of the finger under the wall of a bathroom stall I was using by some closet case or desperate stranger in the stall next to me. 
First of all, to anyone who has done this, I think I can speak for most gay men when I say that there is nothing sexy about being hit on through the use of gesticulations while using the bathroom.  The last place I would ever want to have some sort of  sexual rendezvous would be a public toilet and least of all with some creep who is crazy enough to think for even a second that I would.  
But this is the state of our country and the mentality of so many men who are closeted, and on the DL; many if not most of whom still have wives at home.  And whether it be society, work, family, religion, fear, or whatever the excuse that keeps them enslaved to their double life, their behavior only propagates and reinforces this country's negative viewpoint and attitude towards homosexuality. 
And this brings me to life in present day South Carolina.
I have found that it is almost deemed more acceptable here if you are gay and have a wife at home, then if you are out and proud and living a truthful existence.  I personally have come into contact and met more married, obviously gay men, here in the south then I have those who are out and proud. Why are we so behind down here?  It just doesn't make any sense to me.  
I first of all cannot understand this lack of respect a man has for himself that he could settle to live a lie, let alone the disrespect he has for his wife and children.  And it isn't as if people aren't aware of it.  It just seems to be an overlooked or unspoken truth.  One that most people here think doesn't exist because no one will talk about it.
Well. I want to talk about it.  
I find it unacceptable and quite frankly hurtful to the gay movement for so many gay men to remain hidden behind the veil of marriage or to remain on the DL.  
They are only passing along a message to our youth that it is unacceptable to be gay and that it is acceptable to lie and deceive.
When I first moved back to town from NYC I immediately wanted to pack my bags and leave.  I couldn't imagine living one more day in a place where not only was there no gay community but the only way  I was told i could meet people was to go online or to hang out in public saunas.(Two points I will touch on in future posts).
I thought I must have reentered the Dark Ages.
Having lived in a large metropolitan city for most of my adult life, I know what it is to feel the freedoms that all humans have the right to experience. I know what it feels like to have an intimate dinner with a lover in a public restaurant and hold his hand.  And I know what it feels like to be spontaneously kissed by a boyfriend in public without any negative fallout from possible onlookers.  Actually I have been told on more than one occasion how beautiful we were
and how happy others were for us. 
In short I know what it is like to experience those same freedoms that every heterosexual takes for granted on a daily basis. 
And moreso I don't feel I should have to move back to New York or another city in order to live freely.  Please understand, I don't expect it to change overnight.
I do however feel it is ltime to begin this discussion and to start being honest.  I can no longer remain complacent and sit idly by as our gay youth remain brutalized as a result of their fathers' apathy and lack of courage.  
The silence is killing us.